fuckfuckfuck me. im dillusional. always getting my hopes up high. to think all ive been dreaming. dont know how true. the signals are so mixed. screw 4. theres nothing there. doesnt even trust me. and to think after all this while, and all this crap about being a friend. well yea, FUCK you. 1 says says one thing on day, shows another thing another day. dont know how much or how far or whatever to read into it. i want the upper hand. maintain the status quo. its just killing me. and i cannot stand it anymore. SOD IT. frigging stressed. its all building up. i just want to scream and shout. ughs. i cant satnd you all. few make me happy. and even those that do. im just not worth it to you is it? im not important enough? yea. i know. i cant wait for next year. new friends, new beginnings. i'd disappear. right. i wish i had the strength to let go. cowardly me.
